How do you keep calm when s/he wants to fight?

This is a question I get a lot: How do you keep calm when s/he wants to fight?

No matter how well your divorce goes, there will always be triggers that will take you to the edge. Knowing those moments are coming will help you to better prepare for them. Understand that the person who is angry and looking for a fight is only expressing their hurt and pain. Reacting to that only makes the situation worse. So, you must learn to breathe and take a step back. Have a plan or reaction prepared just in case. For example: “I can see that you are angry, why don’t we talk later?” This will allow you some time to let things cool off and once everything is calm, you can attempt your conversation again.
DO NOT POKE THE BEAR!

I have to admit that, while I work very hard to be calm and collected, I haven’t always been. I have triggers just like everyone else, and there were times I became the bear. I am very fortunate that my ex was able to recognize that and would work to calm me down. He also understands that reacting and fighting will only make the situation worse for everyone involved. It isn’t that we always must cave in either. We just work to find a solution we can both agree on.

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