Question: How do you know your kids are doing well with the divorce?
These are my first thoughts. I might be adding more as the thoughts come to me.
PART 1: While I have no idea what they will remember 10, 20, 30 years from today and what truth they are creating, I can only report what I see and sense.
When we decided to divorce, we went to see a child therapist, first to ask how to tell the children, and then another therapist for the children. I wanted to make sure that we were following them closely. One of my children had 10 sessions (and I have to say that it really comes down to the parent’s behavior more than the children’s behavior.) My other two children only had two sessions.
Now, all I can report is what I see (facts) and what I sense (mother’s intuition). What I see is that they are excelling in school, there is less crisis, and everyone seems to have found peace within. They have even told us they can tell we are happier now and are glad we chose to divorce. Now what I sense, after two years of being around, listening, talking, asking questions, caring for them, having
family dinners, I sense that they know the love from their mom and dad has not changed. They know their foundation as a family has not changed. They know that mom and dad are a very solid unit.
When something happens concerning one of the children we both know and communicate about it.
We signed off on the marriage. We didn’t sign off on raising our family.
Are my kids happier? Or are their dad and I happier and as a result the kids are happier? isn’t it like the chicken and the egg?
There is, of course a whole lot more, but those are my first thoughts.