If you want to get along with her, she will walk all over you.
That could not be further from the truth.
It seems for some people, that if a divorced couple is getting along and working together, that means that one of them is just being walked all over.
A beautiful divorce is about growing, finding your own strengths, and our own way to create a glorious life. Being a victim is not part of this plan.
A beautiful divorce is about learning to choose your fights. To let go of a lot of them, and for the ones that are important to you, to stand up and learn to get what you want/need.
A fight does not mean that you have to be nasty. It just means that you are finally creating your own boundaries and that you are standing up for yourself.
Choose your battle wisely. Do make sure that the long term consequence of it is in alignment with your life commitment. It is not about fighting them all, it is not about showing who is right or wrong. It is about building a new foundations based on your values you now want to create for your new life..
Toward the end of the mediation process, we were told to take the agreement and have a lawyer look at it.
One of the first comment I was hearing was: You can get more here, and there and there and there.
I had a choice to make: I could either go back to the mediator and fight to get more money, or not.
I was not interested in getting more just because I could. What I got was fair and if I followed the lawyer’s advice and try to go for more, then I would have gone against what I was trying to build and the relationship would sure have taken a different turn.
It is all about give and take. Always look at the big picture.