My whole life I felt that my value was directly connected with money. When I was making money, I felt like I was powerful and I had value… that I was worth something. When my then-husband started to make more money, my value started to go down.
At some point, once I no longer was working but stayed home to take care of three young children, I had become worthless in my own eyes. I became a glorified babysitter, a tick, a gold digger. Last night, after my ex-husband gave me some money, I felt once again, like I was just taking or stealing. Like a gold digger.
I have spent the past year searching for the meaning of healthy relationship. And this is what I am finding: Relationship is an exchange. We all contribute to the whole. My value is not to make a lot of money, but to create a harmonious space for people to grow in. I provide the time that most don’t have. I provide a peace that is priceless. That is my value. And it is as important as the person who brings in the money.
I have spent years wishing that my then-husband would recognize what I brought to the relationship and how invaluable it was to his life. Yet, I never got that recognition, because I did not have it for myself.
Everything that I am and that I do for this family is priceless. I am building their heart. I am building our future. I am the heart and foundation of this family.
I will never ever again feel that I am valueless. And I will never let anyone make me feel this way again.
A relationship is about giving what the other needs to grow.