My ex-husband dated right after we separated. She was a great woman, and she loved my kids. I only have great things to say about her. But unfortunately it did not work, and they broke up after one year. So far, nothing to bother me really, except that it broke my heart when my daughter said to me: “She left us”.
My kids were still texting her, as they got to know and love her, and just a few days ago, they were being asked to not write or contact her anymore. I get it. It is hurting her to get their texts, and I respect that, but we are now involving kids who get caught in the middle.
Young children have an ability to love like no one else. Be very aware of that. It is no longer just about the two love birds. Every decision, every kiss, every fight will affect the children one way or another, just make sure you keep that in mind.
My kids loved you and they miss you. They don’t understand and they got hurt when asked to not contact you anymore. You made plans together and they counted on it. You have told them many times that you loved them, and where is that love now? I understand, this is not easy; that you can’t keep a relationship with the kids if you are not with their dad, but a break up is breaking up with them to.
It is another separation for them, another lesson to be careful with their heart. It saddens me that, as adults, we can’t figure those things out. And while we say that our kids are our number one, we keep doing things that hurt them.
So, to all who are divorced with young kids (and maybe older too, I don’t know, I am not there yet), and to all who want to date a dad or a mom, please make sure you understand that you are not number one, that you have a huge impact on their lives. We just need to be more aware of our actions and how it affects the children.
How do we date people with kids? What is healthy?
This is what I came up with:
First, it is okay to date, but do it on your own. Have fun, learn everything about each other, explore each other, but don’t bring the kids in the mix. Not yet. Figure out if you two are really getting along and what the long term goal is (some say you should wait 6 months, some say 3, I say use your judgment). If you don’t know yet if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, then it is best to leave the kids out of the equation. Protect them from being hurt again.
The one positive point (so far) from this is that it brought us as a family even closer than before. They know that no matter what happens in life, mom and dad will always be there for them.
I just want them to not be afraid to love.