EVERYBODY HURTS

There is always someone hurting more than me and there always will be. Does it mean that I have no right to hurt? Does it mean that I should not talk about my pain?

Yes, I am sorry for everyone who is hurting, sick, dying, tortured, or abused and I am conscious that it could always be worse… But sometimes I too have a heart that aches, sometimes I have the need to talk about it to feel better.

I recall one day talking with a friend and sharing the pain I was going through. All I got back was a comment that her friend had it so much worse than me and that I should be happy with my life. Yes, my husband did not die leaving me with four kids and no money to pay for the rent. I do not have a serious sickness and I should not even dare feel bad because I am not the one who has a sickness. My heart aches sometimes, regardless of what happens in the world. Am I not allowed to feel my pain? Am I not allowed to want to talk about it?

Divorce is so painful no matter who wanted it. We are all hurting, maybe some more than others, but who can claim that my pain is less than someone elses?

After I decided I wanted the divorce, I cried for months and months. One day, my then-husband looked at me and asked, “Why are you crying? You wanted this.”.
Yes, I wanted the divorce, but it does not make it any less painful. It was the end of a dream for me. I too wanted a beautiful marriage, not a beautiful divorce. I believed that I was going to be with him for the rest of my life. I wanted to believe in the happy ever after. I cried for all of that. I cried for the end of a dream, and yes, maybe someone was sicker than me that day, but that pain sure was real to me; those tears sure were coming out my heart and my eyes. When tears want to come out, we have to let them out so we can heal.

Having someone allowing me my pain is like telling me that I am human and that I care and that I love. I am a strong woman, I surprise myself regularly with how strong I am, but there are moments where I feel that everything is falling apart. And that’s okay too. I should never have to feel bad for allowing my heart to cry.

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