I keep hearing people say, “It takes time to be okay after a divorce, it takes time to let go, it takes time to be civil with your ex.” It seems that this is the answer for everything.
Time will heal.
Then why does it take some of us one year to completely be at peace and moving forward on a strong path, and for some of us, five years later we are back in court, fighting, or for some it takes twenty years to have a civil conversation.
While time helps to not feel the pain as much anymore, it does not help to work it through. Time will not heal the heart, time will only make it forget the pain for a while (until the heart decides to bring it up again).
I remember reading this one day:
Imagine yourself driving and you get a flat tire. You stop the car, get out and look at the tire. You have no spare tire. You can look at the flat and hope and wait for the tire to get better and wait and wait and wait and wait… You have looked at the tire for a few hours, and the tire still does not get better. Or you can look at it, realize that the tire needs to be fixed, call AAA, have them come and fix your tire, and you are on your way.
When a difficult situation arises, it is important to get the support to go through it. The better the support, the faster the recovery. Of course, time helps to move forward, but the quality is up to us. Do I want to wait and wait and wait and see if I get better? And hope that with time, my heart and my head will be sane again? Or do I want to reach out and get the support I need to get to my happy place much faster.
A Beautiful Divorce is about taking the first step to get to your destination, much faster.